Friday, November 12, 2010

Seance- a review with spoilers

So until something new comes out worth seeing and writing about I feel I need to keep sharp.  I picked another random wonder and got “Séance”.  So I’ll write about that for now.   Well it’s got better production value than most straight to video horror films so that is a plus. It has Adrian Paul of Highlander fame so the B-movie status confirmed.  Alright, what do we got to lose?

Well it starts in a dorm room.  An Ashley Simpson lookalike gets up and sees some shampoo bottles in a state of disarray. So she creeps up to the shower and we see a horrid little dead girl ghost inside.  It leaps at the Ashley clone’s throat strangling her. She wakes to reveal it was all a dream…or was it?  The bottles were neatly arranged and so she goes into the bathroom armed with an oscillating fan and is promptly scared from behind by her roommate coming in to pee.

So we discover this dump is a college dorm that used to be apartments. You know, I’m going to call bullshit on that right quick.  I’ve never heard of any college that converted an apartment to dorms by just slapping a sign outside and saying it’s a dorm.  Usually, and you can correct me if I am way off base here, they demolish the older building and will actually build new dorm rooms over that.  Oddly enough though, this dorm does seem to have been converted a slight bit since being an apartment complex.

There is a common shower which allows the security guard to spy on them through a peep hole at times and a common room with a piano and transported out all the kitchens but really let’s not get into that.  It’s weird enough when you have to see a kid with his dorm filled with Gorilla metal shelving?  Good god.  Do I need to go into how stupid that is for a dorm room to have something as hard core as heavy industrial shelving? But you know what I’m just talking about their stupid fake dorms.  I haven’t really talked about this movie.

The Ashley Simpson doppelganger is named Lauren, she Melina and Allison share a room.  They are all staying over Thanksgiving break.  Allison’s boy toy Diego is also there watching over his roommate’s parrot.  The parrot says nothing but looks awesome.  He immediately becomes my favorite character in this piece of shit.  So after everyone teases Lauren for seeing a ghost they go and a small bottle of bourbon from the security guards desk.  This tiny bottle manages to get four full grown college students tore up.

They dork around the lonely dorm thinking they are in fact all alone.  But there is a Crispin Glover lookalike that is staying behind over the Thanksgiving holiday too.  His name is Grant and he is an ass.  Lauren connects with him because not only does he believe her about the ghost he has footage of her on video.  He shows it to her.  But he tells he won’t show it to anyone because he doesn’t want Ghostbusters and what not coming into his room turning it into a freak show.  All I know is with footage like that of a full figure apparition the “Ghost Adventures” crews head’s would explode. All they get is shadow figures and orbs and crap they call spirits.

So Lauren pouts in her room to her friends. Diego says they should hold a séance and try to bring the girl and maybe the guy that also lived on this floor back to chat with them and see what they want.  They think the little girl died in the 60s falling down the elevator shaft. So why they are dead janitor into it not knowing who he is really I am not sure.  All you need to know is they summon Adrian Paul who is pretty much silent the whole movie; except he wanders around whistling “The Itsy Bitsy Spider” and killing folks.   If that is creepy to you then the Count from “Sesame Street” must have scared you to death.

He can only be seen when the lights are out.  He slowly kills Laurens friends one at a time.  Then they figure out if they let him possess one of them and then die it will kill him.  Diego gets possessed in this process and as such takes a pair a scissors to his throat.  So he dies.  Shouldn’t that have ended the movie?  I guess not, because we had to see a few more deaths leading up to the big jumbo finally. Grant gets possessed and then sacrifices himself by diving down the empty elevator shaft.

I know he wanted to kill Duncan McLeod but by that rationale shouldn’t he still be alive?  And here’s another thing at one point ghost little girl shows Lauren a collection of her old baubles and whatnot that was hidden under the linoleum of the bathroom.  No wood underneath?  So I guess, either these women NEVER stepped in that one spot thus bending the linoleum and reveling the secret until this moment when Lauren could cut the linoleum to get the items OR they weight so little that they don’t effect the floor one bit.

Whatever, this movie is ridiculous.  There is no gore.  No real scares to be found.  The humor is stale and the characters are painfully one dimensional and it is highly unbelievable.  It’s not a good movie.  But I’ll give Adrian Paul this. It must feel nice to not be doing the same old thing as usual.

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