|Next stop, Castle Greyskull!|
It starts out with Virginia and Betty meeting outside a pool in a nice resort. They talk about their college days and how they are single. Virginia says she is seeing a guy named Roger, though it is not serious. Roger then shows up and invites Betty to join them in a little holiday if she can bring a friend.
|Sweetheart! Time to bleach that mustache.|
Roger shows up and suddenly it’s more like he is the third wheel. Virginia tries to find out if she can get off the train some how but the brakeman tells her the train doesn’t stop until it reaches its so she grabs her bag and jumps off the fucking train. I’ll admit you have to want to get away from someone pretty damn bad to risk doing that. Considering her build and what she is wearing she should have had a bone sticking out of her leg landing the way she did.
|The undead leave lethal hickeys.|
The castles graves start pouring out dry ice fog. Soon cloaked skeletal figures come out. Some of the dead are on horseback which I don’t get. The horses look to be in good health. So were they buried with the men? Did they rise with the knights? So they start to go after the girl and she freaks out and runs. Even stealing one of their horses and making it out to a field. She doesn’t get far until she is pulled off and they surround her biting her to death.
The next day Roger and Betty go out on horseback to look for Virginia. They find some of her stuff but no body. The police are there having just discovered her body and need them to come identify the body. At the morgue you meet an insane looking bearded guy who shows them the bodies. Then he is left alone. While alone I thought for sure he was going to fuck the body. The way he looked at and talked about the body I it’s hard to not come to that conclusion. But no, he plays with frogs instead. The body of Virginia gets up and bites him.
|Do you know what happens when you are cruel to frogs?|
Roger and Betty research some about the former castle and find out the former occupants were knights who were Satanist that would sacrifice virgins and drink their blood. When they were caught and hung crows ate out their eyes so now it’s said they rise from the grave as the blind dead. The police hear it might be a rumor of a local pirate using fear of the legend to keep people away so he can smuggle goods.
While Roger and Betty investigate that lead zombie-Virginia attacks a young girl in a mannequin factory. She is beaten and immolated though. Roger, Betty the mercenary Pedro and Nina decide to go to the castle to see what is what. Nina is jealous of Betty and hits on Roger. Roger being the 70s man immediately starts making out with her the second he is alone with her. Meanwhile Betty and Pedro walk off to the graveyard where Pedro savagely rapes Betty.
|Sir, I implore you, put your pants back on!|
So Betty shuts up but the pounding of her heart betrays her location. So she runs again. Luckily the train is on the way. She manages to get aboard with the help of the brakeman but unfortunately he gets killed. As does the conductor even though the train has started taking off Betty has found a hiding spot onboard while the dead found a way into the passenger car and have begun killing every man, woman and child onboard the train.
The train arrives at the destination and a man is able to stop the rogue train. They find Betty and see she is in shock. Some passengers try to board the car and open the door but open the door to the screams of the Betty who sees it’s full of the dead and their slaughter. Fin. Not bad considering the low budget and the pretty old style of it all. If you want a fun fair with a grindhouse throw back feel to it give it a watch.