Thursday, January 6, 2011

Dolly Dearest- review with spoilers

​So many times I have watched the movies for this blog and just cringed at the title.  This is one of those times.  All I know is with a title like “Dolly Dearest” I expect someone to get spanked with a wire hanger.  What we get instead is a 1992 attempt to cash in on the popularity of the “Child’s Play” franchise.  It’s a strangely annoying movie.  Staring such amazing stars as Denise Crosby and Rip Torn you can see now why the makers should be clobbered with a wrench.

​ Well without further ado let’s review.  An American family is on its way to Mexico.  The father, Elliot has just become the owner of the Dolly Dearest doll factory.  He really makes me sick on the plane ride talking to his daughter like she is the cutest and sweetest little angel around.  Even his wife, played by Denise Crosby looks like she sees he is spoiling her.  But it’s left unsaid the whole movie which is actually sadder than anything else.

​Meanwhile next door to the factory is an excavation of the tomb of Sanzia, which means Satan on Earth and is supposed to be from a Mayan Cult.   During the dig an archaeologist dies and releases a mass of evil spirits trapped within the tomb.  They race toward the factory and hide out in the dolls.  Elliot and family arrive and he takes the kids to check out the new factory with him.  It’s a piece of crap sadly.

​Still there are a few dolls around and so Jessica, his daughter says she wants one and he gives her one.  “My first sale!” he says.  Even though he gave it away for free and therefore it can’t really be a sale unless he considers that it was 100% off in which case he is an idiot.  He lets his son, Jimmy wander around the excavation which he becomes very interested in.  Not the safest place in the world for a 7th grader.

​Jessica is VERY creative and names her doll Dolly. Jessica starts to act a little strange.  She draws some weird and disturbing pictures and then one day she is coming home with her Mom and she sees a priest blessing the house.  She starts throwing a tantrum like she’s Damien from the Omen when he is about to go to church.  Then they get home she demands her doll and gives the housekeeper an evil look.

​Jessica is more and more obsessed with the doll.  Once the housekeeper, Camilla, almost comes close to it with a rosary and she shoves the plates out of her hand right in front of her Mom.  Her Mom gives a wishy washy embarrassed apology for her.  Had it been me that watched my kid do something so awful she’d be spanked to the Stone Age before she apologized.   This kid is clearly manipulating her parent’s emotions with this little Cindy Brady attitude.

​One night she is outside in the playhouse with her doll when Camilla sees her and goes to bring her in.  She gets locked outside and then when trying to get back inside by sneaking in via the basement she gets electrocuted by the doll.    These sorts of doll shenanigans continue as Jimmy sneaks out one night and hitchhikes to the factory.  Seriously?  In Mexico?  I guess the kid is aching to get kidnapped.  When he arrives he finds Luis the night watchmen dead in the factory from when the dolls toyed with him with a sewing machine.

​Some of the facts Jimmy has researched makes Marilyn, the Mom, a firm believer that her daughter is possessed.  She tries one night to separate Jessica from the doll but Jessica starts to throw another tantrum calling for her Daddy.  Then she gets a Devil Voice saying “I WILL KILL YOU”.  Now I understand that the Elliot is overworked and I get that he is stressed.  But I think he is missing a lot when he just dismisses his wife as being crazy.

​The next day she goes to visit the archaeologist Resnick, Rip Torn.  He tells the nature of the Sanzia devil child.  Also “If she can dodge a wrench she can dodge a doll.” Well no but that would be funny.  Then she visit’s Camilla’s sister who is a nun that tells Marilyn that she is too late.  Marilyn goes home to see Jimmy scared about the living doll.  The doll is now talking and really obvious and goofy now.  Marilyn grabs Jessica and a shotgun and is almost out the door when the doll attacks with a knife.

​The doll tells Jessica to beat the shit out of her Mother so she does. Jimmy gets the shot gun and gives a laughable “play with this bitch” before blowing the plastic freak to kingdom come.  I guess that snaps Jessica out of it.  Meanwhile at the Factory the other dolls have cut the power and are tying up Elliot. Resnick arrives in time to save him.  Then the family shows up.  Resnick gives them dynamite.  Even the 7th grader gets some to blow up the cave.

​The dolls fight back for all its worth but they are no match for dynamite.  Soon they are dead and the screen fades to black.  I am glad it doesn’t give us a twist end but dammit what a pointless movie.  It bugs me that that spoiled daddy’s girl issue was never addressed when it was clearly a part of the plot.  Little trivia for you though.  That little brat Jessica would go on to voice Cera the Triceratops in all the “Land Before Time” movies.

​On another note I am getting closer and closer to the 100th review.  If anyone has a suggestion for something special I should do let me know.  Also if you have any movies that you think is review worthy and wouldn’t mind sending it my way email me  at and we can find a way to make something happen.

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