Thursday, December 2, 2010

You Know the Movie is Going to Suck When...

Want to know why some movies are so painfully bad?  Because no matter what people will often see some of the stupidest things.  Some folks love romantic movies even though they know the plot in the entire preview because most are paint by number scripts.  The Fangoria crowd will watch every horror movie that comes out no matter what it is and it really doesn’t do anything but add to the ticket sales of the garbage.  I think we all know that if we stopped going to see shitty movies they’d stop making them but they suck us back in each time.

So here is a way to guide you when you see previews or a poster.  Things to consider that may lend to the movie sucking.

1. Does the poster have a tough man or woman looking intimidated by kids?
2. Does the movie involve a cartoon character brought to live action by CGI or animatronic means?
3. Does the title have the word versus or vs. in it?
4. Have you ever heard of this movie before?
5. Can you watch the preview and tell exactly what is going to happen in the plot?
6. Taking it a step further, when you watch the preview do you think the movie is a rip-off of another movie?
7. Are there so many stars in the movie that you can’t tell who the main character is?
8. Does the movie poster or preview rely on the audience liking other movies made by the same producers?  Ex: “From the minds that brought you Scary Movie 4!”
9. Do the previews reveal a catchphrase that the posters reinforce?
10. Does a character need to carry around an animal or baby sidekick (mostly for the awww factor)?
11. What is the percentage of pratfalls to dialogue in the preview?
Of course there are lots of other warning signs you should be wary of.  But really those are the big ones.  I have a lot of hope for movies like “Tron: Legacy” and “Black Swan” but there are others I would think people would know better to avoid.  Like “Gulliver’s Travels” “Little Fockers” and “Yogi Bear”.  Yes I am aware the genres are completely different but good lord.  People have to have some standards or we will be dazzled by the crap they will toss our way.

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