Tuesday, December 14, 2010

The Descent part 2- review with spoilers

I’ll have to admit something I liked the first Descent movie a bit.  When it came out in 2005 it seemed at least original and creepy.  So it a tad weird but it had spirit.  I could lose myself for a bit in the goofiness of it all and enjoy the ride.  So I was curious when I heard about “The Descent part 2”. Especially, when there are claims that it has the same actresses in it.  I have seen this curveball thrown before.  Take for example “Cabin Fever 2” where it says it is staring Rider Strong and it kills him off in the first 5 minutes on screen.  Thanks movie.

​Clearly though I am wrong as this movie takes place 2 days after the events of the last film.  A redneck guy is driving his tow truck down a lonesome road when he comes close to hitting a deer.  The deer is the most nonchalant deer I’ve seen since it just chills there looking at his truck.  Its daylight so it’s not mesmerized by headlights or anything it’s just hanging out.  Until it gets bored and just wanders off.  The redneck gets a “WTF” face until Sarah from the first movie.  Slams against the window next to him covered in gore.  So I guess the canon ending is her escaping not the one where she is lying in the cave with her Daughter’s ghost. In her hand is the necklace she took from Juno, whom she killed to escape.

​Next we find out there are teams of folks scouring the caves looking for Juno and her friends. The Sheriff, who looks like the love child of Brain Dennehey and Kenny Rogers finds out Sarah has been found and is in the hospital.  So he goes to see her with a deputy Elen Rios and they find out Sarah is suffering from slight amnesia.  Other than some scratches she is ok though.  Except she has to be told again that her daughter was killed because she forgot that nasty detail. So she has to deal with that loss again.  The doctor said she was covered in blood. The Sheriff asks for the blood type.  The doctor says it’s A positive.  Juno’s blood is A positive so naturally the Sheriff is starting to suspect this 90 lb. woman to on 5 other women in a cave because she came out covered in A positive blood.  Sherlock Holmes, this man is not.

​ Well anyone who saw the first movie knows she swam in a goddamn pond of blood.  Chances are there are several different types in there since it looked like they ran 20 cows through a juicer.  Hell I have A positive blood.  It could have just have easily been anyone’s.  How hard up for a Sheriff was this town?  Anyway, the blood work makes him so keen on the idea that he decides he’s going to take her back up to the caves.  About now the ER doctor should chime in about how unwise it’d be to take a person who suffered trauma and is mentally unstable back into the same situation.  But I guess he was on a smoke break.

​Even the deputy says it might help jog her memory.  If I went through what she did they couldn’t drag me back into that pit.  But sure enough 3 climbers the two idiot cops and Sarah are gearing up to go in the cave through a mine entrance.  The redneck guy from before, who I guess is named Ed, is actually there to assist them into the mines.  He gives the deputy a little wink as he closes the door on the old mining elevator.  Sheriff Dipshit even brought his gun even though the leader of this search and rescue told him not too claiming the sound would bring the cave down on them.  This is what we call FORESHADOWING.

​While they explore they find a body.  It’s torn apart pretty good.  Again the Sheriff accused Sarah the tiny 90 lb. weakling who would get knocked over by a fart.  The corpse’s mouth seems to be moving.  They look closer and a huge rat bursts out. EWWWWWWW.  So they crawl through a narrow part of the tunnel when Sarah starts having flashbacks of what happened.  She attacks the group and bolts leaving them alone.  The Sheriff sees a crawler and fires his gun and wouldn’t you know it a rock slide occurs. It separates Cath, one of the rescuers from the rest of the group. So the deputy and two guys are in a room filled with bones.  They find the camera that Holly had in the first movie and start watching her footage.  They finally get to what attacked her and then the crawlers attack them.

​They are all separated.  Elen at first is calling for help until Sarah pops out of the shadows and grabs her and points out they can’t see with their eyes.  They use echolocation like bats.  They watch as a crawler kills one of the guys tearing his throat out.  Cath, meanwhile has found out there is a crawler trying to get her so she crushes it with a rock and escapes.  She teams up with the other guy and they try to escape.  They find Sam from the first movie still dangling helplessly from the ceiling so Cath jumps onto her body to try to get to the other side of a crevasse.  The guy she is with is bitten badly but he sacrifices himself to make sure Cath can get to the other said of the crevasse.  Once on the other side she turns to see what became of her friend only to hear the chattering of crawlers behind her.  That was all she wrote for her.

​As Sarah and Elen wander deeper into the cave Elen reveals she has a daughter which makes Sarah more determined to get her out of there.  The Sheriff is wandering about like a child when he is about to get killed by a crawler and he is saved by Juno.  BULLSHIT!  There is no way she survived the last movie.  But the movie wants you to believe she is mighty adept at killing these crawlers.  The only reason she couldn’t get out is she didn’t have a light.  Sarah and Elen meanwhile have a brutal fight with a crawler in the crawler community toilet.  Don’t believe me?  As soon as they are done fighting a crawler wanders up and takes a shit down on them just to cement that fact.

​So Sheriff and Juno meet up with Sarah and Elen.  At first Juno wants to kill Sarah for stabbing her in the leg and leaving her there.  But they decide it is in their best interest to work together to get out of the caves.  But Sheriff Dipshit thinks life isn’t hard enough.  He handcuffs himself to Sarah so she can’t run away again. This man is so stupid he makes Sheriff Roscoe P. Coltrane of Hazzard County look like Albert Einstein.  They have to cross a narrow ridge where weight distribution is important.  Still not letting her free of the handcuffs he falls.  Juno looks like she is about to abandon them but decides to help them in the way this should have been solved from the start when the asshole put on the cuffs.

​“Cut off his hand” she says.  Since crawlers are climbing the wall to him they have to hurry because they’ll take Sarah AND him if they don’t do it.  It takes a few whacks but they finally get rid of that asshole and good riddance.  So they make it to the feeding area and what looks to be the exit.  There are a few crawlers still about so they fight with them and Juno gets mortally wounded.  Rather than morning her as they escape Sarah gives a long dramatic movie farewell complete with the typical closing of the dying characters eyes.  Elen looks up and sees they are surrounded.

​Sarah feels she has nothing to lose so she starts screaming and the crawlers run to her allowing Elen to escape.  She crawls out and into the forest.  She is about to use her phone when a shovel smashes her in the face.  Why its redneck Ed and he’s dragging her back to the hole.  Why is he doing that?  I guess we’ll never know.  She starts to gain consciousness as a crawler springs out of the darkness to grab her.

​BOOOO! Look I know you want to end on a twist end but usually that works when it makes some sense.  Just bringing back characters for the sake of surprise is weak.  And only to have a sacrifice death that is totally for no reason is pointless.  If you are going to make a movie please make it worth the audience’s time.  I’d advise you just watch the first and avoid this one.

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