Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Autopsy: A Love Story-review with spoilers

This movie should come with a Surgeon General warning.
            Here’s yet another bit of crap from Brain Damage Films.  This one makes “Cadaverella” look like “Evil Dead”.  Oh you have no idea how shitty this movie can get.  I can appreciate a movie that stars nobody at times.  You get what you pay for but in this case you can tell the movie forked over its entire budget wad to get its one star and that one star is a black hole called Joe Estevez. 

            Joe Estevez is the vastly less talented brother of Martin Sheen.  He’s appeared in such film classics as “Soultaker” and “Werewolf”.  You are not going to get a good performance from this goon.  So the movie starts with a bunch of various folks dying in interesting ways.  A coroner comes and gets them and needs to bribe the cops for the John and Jane Does.  He does this because there is a lucrative market in organ trading apparently. 

            Our main character is slow witted fellow named Charlie who falls in love with one of the Jane Does.  He is married to a horrible woman who is handicapped and very demanding. His boss is Dale, played by Estevez who spends his time chewing scenery.  A LOT of time is wasted in the development of the relationship between this corpse and Charlie due in part to the fact that he makes up a voice for her in his head and he takes her around to do things like he’s in “Weekend at Bernie’s”.  I can see that he is very lonely and needs to get a real friend but he also needs psychological help.
            So the body is in bad shape and sure enough the Jane Doe’s twin sister Jill comes looking for her. Charlie gets it on with her and that causes a sort of jealousy between the voices in his head.  Eventually his wife sees this and she takes a stumble down some stairs.  Charlie is able to clean up everything and essentially keep his living girlfriend who wants nothing more than to understand him.  She even gets on a slab for him to act as if he is examining her. 

            It’s an over long and poorly acted piece of shit.  The actor playing Charlie is so wooden you’ll get splinters and Estevez thinks throwing his weight around and cranking the volume is equal to acting.  It’s an awful bit of film and I really would have rather they played the music video to “Last dance with Mary Jane” and hour and half. 

No comments:

Post a Comment