RoboGeisha-review

Go go Geisha Tank!

What the hell did I just watch?  This movie is okay if you can handle bizarre gonzo movies but if that is not your style make tracks because its goes all over the map.  It’s another movie with effect by Yoshihiro Nishimura, which I have praised on my site before for being the Japanese Tom Savini.  However, this time it’s not his goriest work.  If anything this is some of the most cartoonish and over the top style stuff I’ve seen in a while.

Send in the FEM-BOTS!

Yoshie and Kikue are two sisters who are recruited to be in a clan of geisha assassins. Their sibling rivalry starts to get out of hand as they begin enhancing themselves with cybernetic to make themselves better killers.  Things like ass swords and fem-bot style tit guns.  Things that any clever person would really need to get the job done.  Yoshie decides she needs to break free of the company that made her this evil robot and wants to save her sister.  The corporation however has other plans for her.

Please stop! I'm allergic to shellfish.

This movie has lots of really stupid plot ups and downs. For example there is a subplot involving a group of people that want to rescue the geisha assassins that pretty much hits a brick wall.  There is also the most insane way to deliver a bomb to Mt. Fuji I’ve ever seen.  Turn the pagoda you are in into a walking robot as if this was an episode of “Mighty Morphing Power Rangers”.  When it attacks buildings they even bleed.  As if that wasn’t mind-blowing enough Yoshie can grow tank treads out of her torso.

What's that building's blood type?

Have I lost my mind? This is all weird as hell.  But I guess this is the same movie where they did just kill a many by impaling his eyes with tempura shrimp.  Of all the movies that I’ve seen with Nishimura’s name on the credits this is the one that is by far the most ridiculous.  It’s still kind of fun in a very stupid way though.  I guess if that is your bag you might enjoy it, but holy shit it’s a strange ride. 

Vampire Girl vs. Frankenstein Girl-review with spoilers.

Ventriloquism has gotten so brutal in Japan.

Well I found another Yoshihiro Nishimura movie to watch.  I did a write up on him a while back as the Tom Savini of Japan.  He makes incredibly gory and over-the-top movies.  I usually enjoy his work though especially, “The Machine Girl” or “Tokyo Gore Police” and “Samurai Princess”.   This movie is wild though.  Where “The Machine Girl” was funny at parts and ultra violent this one is almost a cartoon. But despite how borderline offensive it is at times it can be funny some times and wretched at others.

Tim Burton's dream girl.

“In Japan it is traditional for girls to give boys chocolates in order to confess their LOVE.”   That text crawl is what opens this movie. Aww isn’t that cute.  We see a girl and a boy walking together.  Three Frankenstein girls start to kick the boy’s ass until the vampire girl he is with saves his butt as J-pop starts blasting like a Dance Dance Revolution machine.

The same thing happened to me when I left my contacts in too long.

We journey some time ago to a class room on Valentine’s Day where a teacher confiscates the girl student’s chocolates.  Apparently, they are not allowed personal belongings.  Three of the girls, who dress like Lolita porn stars, are really into the boy Mizushima; he becomes the reluctant boyfriend of the leader of the pack Keiko.

  This high school is VERY over-the-top complete with people in blackface.  There is also a group of girls who meet just to cut their wrist, because girls cutting on themselves is funny…right?  The answer is no.  I am pretty sure in all cultures that is pretty tasteless.   

Oh yeah.  They went there.

Monami also falls for Mizushima.  It’s kind of out of the blue. However, she is a teenage vampire. A love triangle ensues.  Keiko’s father is apparently a mad scientist who dons kabuki outfits while he experiments.  He discovers that Monami’s blood is the key to reanimating dead body parts. Mizushima eats some chocolate with her blood and becomes a half vampire. When Keiko discovers this she attacks Monami but accidentally falls off the school roof.

Keiko’s Father then uses Monami’s blood to make a Frankenstein style monster out of her.  They then battle it out for Mizushima’s affections.  Now there are parts that are pretty funny.  Watching Monami dance in a fountain of the blood of a victim is a moment to enjoy.  It’s amusing moments like that and the parts that are gore fest without CGI that are very cool.  Then you come across the cutter club and the black face group and if you are like me you find that distasteful. 

Can you see the girl with the spear?  Offended yet?

            In all fairness, since it is a foreign film I may have lost something in the translation.  For all I know the use of the kabuki makeup on the mad scientist means the director knew how over-the-top this movie was. Nishimura movies are insane and are usually a lot more fun than this.  Maybe I just found one that wasn’t for me.  Is it worth seeing?  Unless you are a fan of bizarre violent foreign films and if so the three at the top of this review are vastly superior to this movie.

The Japanese Tom Savini

            In particular I wanted to talk in part about three movies briefly I’ve seen recently where the special effects were done in part by Yoshihiro Nishimura, the Japanese Tom Savini. Tom Savini in case you didn’t know is a very well known special effects man who specializes in gore and the horror genre.  Nishimura has a style that is really interesting.

Go ahead.  Make my day.

            For those of you that enjoy “Kill Bill” and the geysers of blood then this is the style you will get. The first movie I saw of his was a fun little bit of ridiculousness called “The Machine Girl” It’s about a school girl out to avenge the death of her brother and his friend at the hands of a ninja yakuza gang.  When the gang chops off her arm she attaches a machine gun and becomes all sorts of badass.  Yes it is mighty ridiculous and it’s gory as hell but of my god is it ever a fun ride.

But can she juggle three?

              “Toyko Gore Police” was one Nishimura wrote and directed as well.  It had tons of head explosions and upped the ante in a big way.  This time making a story a surreal tale about a privatized police force that hunts down insane creatures with tumors in the shape of a key.  It’s a bizarre one but it is still worth a rental.  But not nearly as much fun as the last one I am going to mention.

Ooh! That's gonna require some stitches.

            “Samurai Princess” was about a feudal Japan but with a twist, there are people that are hunted down because they are “mechs” or humans with weapon body parts.  It’s A LOT like “Tokyo Gore Police” in a lot of ways. But the plot moves a lot smoother. Still it’s seems like a comic come to life in a lot of ways.  But I really think there are a lot better movies that do that in an original fashion as well without being too odd to even Western audiences. 

            Still, if you can stomach the fountains of blood they are worth seeing.  It is a nice for a bit of something different if all you are used to in Japanese cinema is Kurosawa, Monster movies, or the standard J-horror with the little girl with long hair in front of her face. But start off with “The Machine Girl”  it’s the one with a plot that is at least most together even though everything about it is over the top.