Friday, November 18, 2011


This is not a turkey. It's a damn vulture.
Well, another Thanksgiving is almost here.  So what do I do?  I choose a horror movie to review that has a Thanksgiving theme.  Let me introduce you to the world of “ThanksKilling”. Where JonBenet Ramsey jokes are considered witty and topical; despite coming out in 2009. Where looking past the fact that they have a vulture puppet rather than a turkey puppet is clearly a virtue. Where I am pretty sure it’s a sign of mercury poisoning if you enjoy a movie this shitty.

This isn't exactly Sesame St.
Five stereotypical college kids go home for Thanksgiving. Their car breaks down on the road and they are attacked by a roving puppet. An Indian curse brings a killer foul mouthed turkey back to life to murder all people he comes to contact with.  Can the roving gang of college age stereotypes stop this horrid creature?  

Puppet sodomy. Stay classy "ThanksKilling".
Look, I get it.  A lot of it is played for humor. But it’s really not funny watching a hand puppet of a turkey sodomize a girl and then yell “You just got stuffed!” It is really low brow.  Most of the jokes in this are. The actors deliver their lines with all the grace of an illiterate reading off cue cards. 

May as well add a laugh track since
I am not laughing at this sitcom style shit.
The only thing that it has going for it is that it’s has a short run time. At 70 minutes long that is like saying the bad news is you have to eat a plate of dog shit, but the good news is that there is not a lot of it.  The end credit says “To be continued… in space.” I hope that is a cruel joke. Just be thankful this year you are not a masochist like I am when it comes to what you watch.

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