“Night of the Demons” is more funny then scary. Mostly because as you watch it you can see a former child star implode in on itself. The version I saw is the 2009 remake of a 1988 movie of the same name. This one is staring Shannon Elizabeth looking killer as usual even in the unexpected Goth attire. And the cherry on top Edward Furlong looking strung out and VERY bloated.
My guess is wee John Conner took his millions he made and pissed it away partying every day since. He looks like he hasn’t slept in years and when he has it was from passing out after drinking the 5th of Monarch he has every morning to have some of the hair of the dog. It’s cool. In this movie old Edward plays a drug dealer. Which, I’m sure was a massive stretch for him.
The main star is Monica Keena who plays Maddie, or as some of you Fangoria freaks like me might recall was the main fish faced girl who was the star of “Freddy vs. Jason”. Oh yeah. This is going to be a shitfest of epic proportions. So the movie starts in a 1925 sepia tone of a silent movie. There are shots of demon faces and girl running upstairs.
One of the guys looks at her as she places a noose around her neck and in silent movie fashion the screen gives us a title box that says “It’s me Louis!” She doesn’t believe him and so she jumps off the balcony hanging herself but apparently she should have treated the rope a bit to soften it since it decapitates her like a child’s Barbie. Louis looks down on her and we see his eyes switch briefly to an orange set of Demon eyes.
We shout 23-skidoo to the silent movie stuff and zip now to present day. Where we see Angela (Shannon Elizabeth) at her computer making a flyer for a Halloween party at the Broussard mansion, she says if it doesn’t go well she’ll be out on the streets. Guess she could try getting real work. Living in New Orleans and looking like she does it can’t be that hard.
Now we meet the other people who will be attending this party. Two are stoner dudes Dex and Jason. They are watching some asshole 15 year old steal candy from little kids. So they attack him with paintball guns. I guess their motives are fair but assaulting a punk kid while high is usually not going to win you friends. Next we cut to the girls Lily, Maddie, and Suzanne.
Their conversations make me pray for their quick and inevitable deaths. Lily and Suzanne bitch about both of them dressed as slutty cats. Then they prattle on about bikini waxes. It was REALLY obvious that this is filler that won’t matter. So then we see Furlong as Colin. Colin is a drug dealer who is a having to meet the local drug lord who sits at a strip club getting head as they talk business. I don’t even think Jabba the Hutt was that rude. Nigel, the drug lord, tells him he is a fuck up and he owes him double or he’s dead.
So it’s party ho! Everyone is going. Furlong has to bribe the door chick since he is unwelcome but he gets in. While there, Maddie goes to the bathroom and sees a hand reaching out at her. When she returns with a friend she sees nothing so she assumes it was a prank. I’d assume someone spiked my drink. Lily and Dex used to date and they reunite. Maddie apparently used to date Colin and when asked what she saw in him she says she wanted to change him and he was a good fuck. Furlong just stands around selling his wares.
Eventually the police show up. Door girl runs off the money which pisses Shannon Elizabeth right off. It turns out having a party in a mansion without a permit is a STUPID idea. Who knew? So she gets a fine. Furlong stashed his drugs in a vent and needs help finding the basement to see if he can find them. So and Colin and Elizabeth head downstairs to the basement where they find 6 skeletons laid in a very specific pattern. They assume it was the 6 missing people that vanished without a trace in the mansion in the 20s.
Angela sees one has a gold tooth and reaches down to take it. What? What the hell will she do with a gold tooth? Can pawn shops even take those? Anyway the skeleton bites her. Oh no! I guess she’ll turn into one. Nope. She starts feeling ill. Everyone in the house realizes the gate is shut and locked. So they are trapped so clearly what they should do is keep drinking. Suzanne recounts what happened during the night of the disappearances. Guess you really cannot just a book by its cover Suzanne looks like the type who wouldn’t know local history from “Jersey Shore” but here are these pearls of wisdom come out of her.
She says that Evangeline Broussard had a thing for a dude named Louie so she tried magic. Eventually something went wrong during a séance and the maid was found in her room scribing spells and mad ravings in her room driven insane from the night’s previous events. Angela goes to the bathroom and succumbs to her skeleton bite turning into a demon. She comes out of the bathroom and sees everyone playing spin the bottle. After a girl on girl kiss and a boy on boy kiss Angela kisses Dex.
Apparently it was a good kiss because it causes Dex to become a Demon as well. Lily takes him into another room to talk to him about why she’s not jealous I guess. Maddie and Colin go outside to try to look for another exit off the mansion grounds. While waiting, Angela sits between Jason and Suzanne. She looks at Jason and starts fellating a bottle. Jason gets up to help Maddie and Colin. Lily on the other hand switches her attention to Suzanne. Damn, is this girl on ecstasy or what?
Lily and Dex are getting it on and Dex is turning Demonic. Lily doesn’t realize until he is sodomizing her with a tentacle like a damn hentai movie. This turns her demon toot sweet. Suzanne is dancing with seductive Angela after a few minutes she realizes they are floating in mid-air. Angela has changed into a strange shark toothed succubus and tears off Suzanne’s face.
Upon returning Jason uses the bathroom. He sees Lily in there acting strange. She wants help putting whiskers on. She is dressed as a cat after all. She takes out a lipstick and sticks it through her breast and voids it out her vagina as well as a ton of blood…..EWWWWWWWW. This is what I love though. He just walks out and sees Colin and Maddie. Asks Maddie if Lily is good at magic like sleight of hand which, is a very reasonable question considering what he saw.
Then he actually says the words “She put a lipstick through her tit and pulled it out her pussy.” That honestly got me laughing. That is pretty damn funny. The three get attacked by the demons so they make an attempt to leave through tunnels there were rumors about in the basement. There they find the tunnels are collapsed and also discover the demons have an aversion to rust. Jason gets injured and they take him into a room that the demons don’t seem to want to be near. Colin finds out there are symbols under the paint so they chip it out.
Maddie has apparently succeeded in her bardic knowledge roll since she can decipher the wild ravings and is able to figure out everything about them. She knows that they were 7 Demons that rebelled against Satan’s rule. They need 7 human hosts in order to return. They tricked the former owner of this mansion to throwing the séance in order to take over the guests. Evangeline knew they can’t take over a dead body so she killed herself. They are elemental creatures so rust somehow harms them. Search me how that reasoning works.
While the two men sleep Anglea knocks on the door and tries intimidating Maddie telling her she is going to skull fuck her boyfriend and horrible things like that. Maddie however knows she can’t enter the room so she just tells her to shut the fuck up and slams the door in her face. They figure they just need to wait it out until dawn and they will be safe. So they chill in the room. They walls begin to bleed and wash away the symbols on the wall so the demons are starting to break in.
They fend off the demons by drawing symbols back on the wall. Finally it’s daylight. So they wander out. It’s safe so they grab rust weapons and head downstairs. Something is amiss. The sounds of night are still all around them Colin chucks a rock through the window and it breaks the glass to reveal its still night and they still got a few hours to go. The demons created a time illusion. A fine dirty trick if I ever saw one.
They fight off the group but Jason is disemboweled by Angela and turned into a demon in the process. Odd how something like that still turns you. Sort of like the face being torn off doesn’t kill you, just makes you an uglier demon. Colin falls from rotten floorboards through at least 3 floors to the basement. His leg very badly broken he turns into a demon. So now Maddie is alone.
She gets some rusty weapons and starts fighting them until she realizes they heal like Wolverine. So she runs to the ledge where she happens to have a noose ready and hangs herself before they can get to her. The sun comes up and kills all the demons returning them to their skeletal forms. At first I was impressed that the movie went there with a girl hanging herself. A bold end I thought.
WRONG! Lex Luthor would shout. She prepared a loop so it wouldn’t kill her and so she pretended to be dead. The demons assuming she would be dead now freed her from the mansion. She greets some sound guys coming in to pick up speakers. That’s a really lame ending. I’m pretty sure falling from the level she did, even with a support rope would break her neck or spine.
It’s watchable. There are funny lines. It’s fun to watch a bloated Edward Furlong stumble over his own mediocrity and to watch an almost 40 Shannon Elizabeth still riding the “I’m a sex symbol” train for as long as it will last. I do want to see the original now out of sheer curiosity. The scare factor is very low but the gore is at least sort of there at times. All in all it’s an ok movie for a laugh.
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