Machete Kills- review

Check your brain at the door- Robert Rodriguez has another film staring Danny Trejo as Machete.  While not a great film, Machete was a decent nod to the 70’s exploitation film and grindhouse cinema.  It was also bogged down in masses of pointless cameos and loads of bad dialogue and acting.  Whether intentional or not it was distracting sometimes but at other times. This movie does much of the same as the previous film, but plays with a new cast of people who spend a great deal of time winking at the camera instead of playing it straight.

Machete, played Danny Trejo, is hired by the President of the United States to hunt down a mad man in Mexico with a nuclear weapon aimed at Washington D.C.  Machete must deal with hordes of enemies, cartels, as well as a shape-shifting assassin known as El Camaleon.  The mad man has attached the bomb to his heart and Machete must keep him alive for as long as possible. Soon he finds that weapons dealing is part of a conspiracy involving a space faring businessman.

Most of the action is pretty solid and fun to watch, however it doesn’t really make a lot of sense for the character of Machete to be doing super spy stuff in the vein of a Moonraker rip-off.   It would be like seeing Dirty Harry shooting at Gremlins; the tone is a bit off.  Some of the people seemed shoe horned into the movie even though they are funny at times.  Mel Gibson, Sophia Vergara, Charlie Sheen and Vanessa Hudgens have a few funny lines but don’t seem to be taking anything serious which was the charm of the Grindhouse movies. 

The character of El Camaleon was fascinating.  Walton Goggins, Cuba Gooding Jr., Lady Gaga, and Antonio Banderas play this fascinating character and frankly the more I see the more I want to see. I enjoyed it they development of that character a lot with each new face it showed.  Danny Trejo still brings a decent performance and Michelle Rodriguez falls into tough girl persona as easily as putting on slippers.   The film is entertaining but in a very silly and stupid way.  So if you are able to let go of your grip on reality, it is a fun little ride.

If you enjoyed the first movie I would still recommend waiting to see this one on video.  It is not the greatest movie and not really worth seeing in the theater.  If you were into the fake grindhouse movies beyond the films in Grindhouse I’d recommend Hobo with a Shotgun over this movie.  This one is ridiculous but in some cases that might be your cup of tea.  In which case, drink up.

Hobo with a Shotgun-review

The Enzyte commercial that never aired.

In the spirit of the modern Grindhouse movies, “Hobo with a Shotgun” comes at you and really is a lot of fun.  The dialogue is funny and edgy in a way that is no more subtle than a sledgehammer to the face.  The film stock was edited in such a way that it gives the movie a real worn down Grindhouse look too.  It’s a macabre bit of fun with blood, boobs and bullets.

The director made the trailer for “Hobo with a Shotgun” in a contest to promote the double feature of Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez’s “Grindhouse”.  This means along with “Machete” now there are two Grindhouse trailer movies that have made it to full feature production.  That is pretty damn cool. 

Who FARTED?!

An unnamed hobo played by Rutger Hauer arrives in Hope Town.  He finds that it is lawless and under the control of an insane criminal named the Drake and his two sons.  The Hobo befriends a prostitute that is being victimized by the sons and takes it upon himself to rescue her.  He is saving his earnings to purchase a lawnmower to start a business.  When he spots folks in trouble he instead purchases a shotgun which he uses as a vigilante to kill criminals.

I will Traci Lords the hell out of this performance.

Rutger Hauer really gives this performance some good gravitas.  Considering that it’s got lines in it like “They are going to make comics out of my hate-crimes!” It has a lot of potential for suck.  However, it’s played really well on his part. The girl that played Abby, Molly Dunsworth did a fine job as the hooker with a heart of gold.  Though, I found it distracting at times since she looks like a young Traci Lords.   My main complaint is that the main villains are not that threatening.  I am just not very threatened by a couple guys in lettermen’s jackets with their dad who looks as though he raided Tom Wolfe’s closet.   

Give that girl a hand...No I'm serious.

There are lots of bloody and gore scenes with some pretty crazy effects and unique kills.  Many are really quite good. The story is pretty solid.  It shows a bleak view of humanity and one man up against the hordes of criminals in a corrupt town. It would likely be a lot of fun for you if you are either a fan of the standard fair of the Grindhouse or modern Grindhouse style of movie.  If you are neither of those then steer clear.

Oops they did it again.

When I was in High School I got the Star Wars Trilogy on VHS before it came out in special edition format.  I decided I wasn’t going to go out and buy the trilogy again for the special edition.  It was just not worth it to me.  Eventually I heard about the original trilogy coming out on DVD.  So I bought it.  Sadly it was not as I remembered it.  It was a SUPER special edition.  Where Boba Fett’s voice is changed with a kiwi and the Jedi Spirit of Anakin Skywalker is cast by a most unwelcome Hayden Christensen.
These, of course weren’t the only changes.  Adding Jar Jar to the end of Return of the Jedi yelling “Weesa Free” killed my joy the most.  Still, I guess that Lucas heard the cries of the fan boys. They said “Han shot first.”   Sure enough a few years later he released another set of the trilogy which was supposed to be the original original trilogy.  This time I fell for it AGAIN. This time there were only slight changes but still changes nonetheless.  Now I know I have paid twice for a trilogy that was not even what I wanted.  A fool and his money were parted.  
This wasn’t the only time I paid twice for a trilogy.  When “Lord of the Rings” came out I rushed out to get them all. I was irritated to find out they later had an extended version planned out.  Luckily I missed those and waited just enough time to get the set that mixed the two varieties together.  So now I have a theatrical and extended version of “Lord of the Rings.”  Does the sickness end there?
Well now I just found out that in early October that they plan on releasing "Grindhouse" as it was seen in theaters.  So “Planet Terror” and “Death Proof” including all the fake previews they screwed you out of when you bought the separate DVDs.  That is weak.  Is every movie now going to do a director’s cut version too?  Nothing like getting something you like and realizing that they were planning on making a sucker out of you within a month.