Thoughts on Life

Life is like if you mixed Alien, the Thing, and Gravity in blender. It is okay at best and forgettable at worst. 

The Thing-review

Ramona Flowers is pissed.

John Carpenter’s “The Thing” is one of my favorite movies.  When I heard they were going to do a prequel I was at least hopeful.  I went into it with some lingering hope despite the shitty reviews others had given this new version.  Sadly, it is pretty weak and doesn’t stand up well on its own.

“The Thing” takes place in Antarctica in 1982 when a Norwegian science post discovers an alien spacecraft stuck in the ice.  They also discover a life form nearby that is frozen in the ice as well and decide to take it back and thaw it with the aid of Kate Lloyd played by Mary Elizabeth Winstead.  The monster breaks out and goes on a murder spree, assimilating people and causing a ruckus. 

Anyone for crab?

There are several huge flaws with this movie.  For one, it bills itself as a prequel when it is more a remake then anything else.  Scenes are taken almost shot for shot from the John Carpenter version and the parts that are original break continuity with the movie it is supposed to tie into or have colossal plot holes in them.

Kurt Cobain is scared.

Another problem I have is the Thing itself.  The alien in the other film was a smart, malevolent, and over all patient killer.  It knew when to strike and it did it with perfect timing so you never knew who the Thing was at any given time. It also was able to think methodically. So it planned things out, pitted the men against one another and even framed MacReady at one point.  This version is not like that at all. It is bombastic and in your face with explosive bad CGI everywhere.  It makes me miss the days of practical effects more and more.

Finally there is another flaw in the characters.  There are three characters that are memorable.  Kate, the helicopter pilot guy and her scientist friend that dresses like Kurt Cobain are the folks in this movie that really stood out for me.  In the original you got to know the entire cast of men and all the personalities as it was an exercise in paranoia and knowing them makes it a better mystery.  They made a large cast in this movie merely to add to the body count.

The only outfit you need for Antarctica is a light wrap.

Really if you are a fan of the other movie you can rent it at least.  You will likely feel disappointed too.  I can’t see how any big fan of the original will like this.  If you haven’t see ANY of the movies give the 1982 John Carpenter movie a try first because it really is the best one and one of the better movies out there.   It still knocks my socks off every time I watch it.

That "Thing" You Do

Yes, this is my attempt at a clever title.  This is actually about the fact that yes they are making a prequel to one of my favorite movies “The Thing”.   I know that the 1982 version that I love so much is actually a remake of the 1951 film “The Thing From Another World”  and even these are adapted from a short story by John W. Campbell Jr. called “Who Goes There?”

​The movie from 1982 followed the short story a lot more closely.  The 1951 monster was a big Frankenstein-looking lug that was resistant to bullets.  Hated being electrocuted and could have limbs cut of and regenerate like a vegetable.  The 1982 version had a creature that would take on the form of any living creature around it.  That was where the drama was. The alien could be any one of the characters or their animals.  And when it revealed itself it had some of the coolest and grossest stop motion I’ve ever seen.  It’s classic.

​All you really need for a back story is that thousands of years ago a space ship crashes, In the North Pole in the 1951 version and in Antarctica in the 1982 version.  A creature inside must have crawled out and froze solid.  For the 1982 version (Which I will focus on now) a Norwegian group of researchers found the ship and the body.  Blasted it out of the ice with thermite and dug out the alien.  Then the alien thawed out.  That is where I am suspecting the prequel will need to take place I figure.

​ Since the 1982 movie starts with the alien disguised as a dog and coming into the American research station the Norwegians giving chase until shot.  It gives the Americans the excuse to go to the Norwegians base to see all the damage the creature caused.  The thing that I think is going to suck is that you can guarantee this new movie will be a CGI craze.  I miss stop motion a lot as it is.  But one thing lately that has been irritating me for a while now is how often they are using CGI for blood too.  Really?  Blood is an effect that Hollywood has perfected for years.  Do we really need that done with computers now?

​This movie could be really awesome if it’s done right.  I haven’t seen previews and the cast so far has one recognizable actor in it.  That can be a good thing though.   Sometimes unknown actors can be surprisingly good.  At least saying it’s a prequel to the one that took place in the winter of 1982 would make more sense for the isolation feeling you’re going to feel in Antarctica. I’m sure if it took place in a modern setting with communications technology what it is, there is really no excuse for them not being able to summon aid if they needed it.

​That being said, I am so sick of that bit of exposition in movies.  You know that person is fucked since they HAVE to look at their phone and say.  “Damn! No signal.”  Even at places that for all intents and purposes should have landlines why the hell is that an issue?  For the love of crap in this day and age no one is really isolated anymore if they don’t want to be.  There are 3,000 satellites orbiting Earth now according to NASA and cell towers in every part of the world.  Are you telling me somehow we can’t get any signals when a killer is on the loose?  I mean don’t get me wrong.  I’ve had a call dropped.  But the second time usually does the trick.

​Jeez I went off on a tangent there.  Sorry about that.  If you haven’t seen “The Thing” you should.  It’s pretty wild and creepy. It also has an awesome sense of paranoia seldom seen in modern alien movies outside of remakes of “Invasion of the Body Snatchers.” There is not a lot to say about the 1951 movie.  It’s the typical science gone awry sort of shenanigans.  They even make sure to add a damsel in distress because it’s the 50s and dames sell tickets I guess.  It’s entertaining at least.  Sort of like “The Blob” except the “The Blob” is much more fun.    As they say in the 1951 version, “Watch the skies, everywhere!  Keep looking.  Keep watching the skies!” but don’t forget to take a break now and again to enjoy a good movie now and again.