Dylan Dog: Dead of Night-review

Don't quit your day job Brandon.

When I saw the preview for “Dylan Dog: Dead of Night” I thought it looked amusing.  I missed it in the theaters but I had the chance of seeing it on DVD recently and I can honestly say I am so glad I gave it a miss.  Dylan Dog is based on an Italian comic of the same name. I am shocked the series hasn’t had its ass sued back to the Stone Age since the character is almost a carbon copy of John Constantine from the Hellblazer series.

Not that there aren’t many other notable rip-offs in this movie, “Underworld”, “Buffy the Vampire Slayer”, “True Blood”, take your pick.  It feels like there is not an element of originality in this piece of crap.  There are completely predictable moments that are made so obvious that it can be predicted by even the most elementary fortune cookie writer. 

Do I really need to explain that these men are necrophiliacs?

The acting is like something out of a high school play.  Brandon Routh plays Dylan Dog, a private investigator who is an expert in the paranormal.  However, he gives us voice over and quips as though he is Sam Spade, hardened detective.  He looks like a kid who is playing dress up and not a real P.I.  They should have cast someone that would look like he had traveled the hard road and seen things that would give people nightmares.

You're EHarmony picture looked different.

As if it wasn’t insipid enough they give Dylan an annoying comic relief of Sam Huntington as Marcus who is his partner who has newly turned zombie.  What does Marcus do with this cool new ability now that he learns that bullets can’t hurt him and his limbs are replaceable?  He spends the movie pissing and moaning about being a zombie. The rest of the time he needs rescue like a poor man’s Shia LaBeouf.

Don't suppose you'd like a fiddle contest?

The werewolf transformations are even crap.  They happen off screen for fuck sake.  Look when a werewolf is in a movie you expect a good transformation scene like “The Howling” “An American Werewolf in London” and “Ginger Snaps”. When those movies with stop motion effects are BETTER than your movie in 2011 you are on notice.  

I cannot recommend this movie.  It’s not funny. The action is not good. The scares are not scary.  So that makes it like dangling keys in front of a baby’s face.  It’s a distracting vapid waste of time.  I am at least glad it was a rental.  Make sure you don’t make the same mistake.