Cemetery Man-review

People who get complimented usually let it go to their head.

            Well if you like “Vertigo” and foreign movies this might be for you.  It’s an Italian movie from 1994 romance zombie which also went by the title “Dellamorte Dellamore”. Starring Rupert Everett as Francesco Dellamorte, the caretaker of a cemetery where the dead rise seven days after they are pass away.  He has a bumbling assistant, Gnaghi, that looks like Curly form the Three Stooges.  Together they kill the “Returners” as they come back from the grave to feed on the living.

Hi, I'm Larry; this is my brother Darryl, and this is my other brother Darryl.

            Now there are aspects of this that are fantastic. It’s filmed really well.  The characters are well developed but where it suffers is that it goes in all sorts of different insane directions.  Francesco falls in love with a stunning woman whose husband has just passed away.  He gets her to come see his ossuary which somehow works as a pick up line because he ends up banging her right in the graveyard.  Then the husband returns from the grave, attacks the girl and he ends up killing them both. 

Shut up! I'm Death! My logic is flawless.

            As if this isn’t enough insane plot device Gnaghi has a crush on the Mayor’s daughter.  He throws up on her and she gets in a car accident and he takes her now living head to dote upon.  Then Death appears in a very cool sequence and tells Francesco “Stop killing the dead. They're mine. If you don't want the dead coming back to life, why don't you just kill the living? Shoot them in the head. Are you listening to me?” So clearly he is insane. 

            He also starts seeing the same girl he lost before in other aspects.  Just like in the movie “Vertigo”.  “Vertigo”, however, deals with a fear of height this movie deals with phallophobia.  Yeah, a girl has a fear of penises so bad that Francesco almost has a doctor remove his Johnson with sharpened hedge clippers.  I don’t think I have thought about that sort of thing since I saw “Hard Candy”.

Where is Larry where you need him?

            It’s a strange and dark ride.  I would say it can at least be enjoyable and it certainly isn’t like any other zombie movie I have ever seen.  So if you can handle something off the wall, very odd, and pretty funny at times this might be worth a rental.  Now in terms of funny zombie movies it still doesn’t come close to “Shaun of the Dead” or “Fido” but it has a unique charm that is all of its own.