Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol-review

Shit! There go my keys.

If I were a Michael Bay fan I would be in love with this movie.  Why do I say that?  They rely a lot on racial stereotypes. The main character, goes though at least 5 big events that should have killed or crippled him. There is a lot of one liners and comic relief that is completely unneeded and unwanted.  Really this movie could have been stronger if it was just Tom Cruise passing the torch to Jeremy Renner.

I love the power glove. It's so bad.

On the plus side the talent is good and the effects are top notch. There are a lot of good scenes that are sort of gripping.  Ethan Hunt, played by Tom Cruise, hanging from Burj Khalifa in Dubai is a pretty stunning scene that looks impressive. I can honestly say that that is the first time I’ve ever seen it used in a movie, and considering it’s the largest man-made structure in the world that is sort of hardcore. 

As to the plot, it felt really pointless.  Ethan is broken out of prison by his IMF team. He goes on a mission to the Kremlin only to have it blow up around him. His team is blamed for it and he finds that he and his team needs to get nuclear launch codes from a older gent named Hendricks who plans on starting a total world war.  Some how in his mind he thinks this will cause world peace.  When your villain makes less sense than a James Bond villain it is time to consider a re-write.

The chaiwalah has done it again!

The biggest standout actors I remember were Jeremy Renner as Brandt, and Simon Pegg as Benji both played their roles well and were very likeable.  The biggest disappointments were Lea Seydoux as Sabine Moreau, a French assassin and Anil Kapoor as Brij Nath a rich and wildly over-the-top Indian businessman.  All these actors deserved WAY bigger parts than they got.  But Seydoux and Kappor really got shafted.  Both of these actors have done better things and shown much better range, Especially Kappor as the Regis Philbin type character Prem Kumar in “Slumdog Millionaire”.

Voulez vous coucher avec moi ce soir.

When I said earlier that this movie plays on racial stereotypes I meant in a very general sense.  Some times they will show the Kremlin and you’ll hear Russian singing and hear the stereotypical marching soldiers in a solid goosestep outside.  If it’s Dubai, it’s a herd of camels running through the sand. If it’s India you hear Bollywood music and see a bunch of dancing girls as if a musical is about to break out.  That is where Kapoor shows up as over-the-top billionaire version of Apu from “The Simpsons”.

The end of the movie feels empty and pointless. The fight scene is like something out of “Revenge of the Sith” with Yoda and Palpatine. At least the force would explain why an old man would be able to fight so well.  I have no idea why this guy is able to kick Ethan’s ass.  It’s all pretty bogus.  If you are a huge fan of this franchise then I’d give it a rental. However, I don’t think this one is worth the ticket price.

15 of the Best and Worst Movies of 2011

Best
15. Kung Fu Panda 2
14. Thor
13. The Help
12. Melancholia
11. Everything Must Go
10. Monsters
9. Insidious
8. Captain America
7. X-men The First Class
6. Paranormal Activity 3
5. Cowboys and Aliens
4. Hanna
3. Fright Night
2.Rise of the Planet of the Apes
1.Drive


Worst
15. Paul
14. The Rite
13. Season of the Witch
12. Sucker Punch
11.  Don’t be Afraid of the Dark
10.  Scream 4
9.  The Thing (2011)
8. Creature
7. Real Steel
6. Red Riding Hood
5. Pirates of the Carribean  on Stranger Tides
4. Green Lantern
3. Battle L.A
2. Conan the Barbarian
1. Priest

Movie Donations

Sometimes I get strange requests for reviews.  If you have movies that you are wanting to get rid of and want to see featured on the blog contact me and I'll let you know how to send them my way so I can feature them on the blog.  I welcome any sorts of comments or questions as well. Thanks for reading.

A Halloween retrospective- 200th review

Much of modern horror owes a lot to the Halloween franchise. The idea of a faceless, unstoppable killer has been so over done that it is cliché.  The series itself owe much of its fame to the movie “Psycho” for which there is a direct inspiration.  In fact the Dr. Sam Loomis character that was played by Donald Pleasence was named after the boyfriend in “Psycho”.  Still, the movie has made its mark in movie history and through good times and bad the series continues to flourish.

Yeesh! I think I need a bigger knife.

Halloween

The first movie is genius.  John Carpenter directs and we have a young Jamie Lee Curtis as Laurie Strode.  Michael Myers escapes from a mental institution and Dr. Loomis, played by Donald Pleasence, is after him like a modern day Van Helsing.  Michael kills some babysitter before attacking Laurie in a chilling chase scene.  We even get to see him briefly unmasked before Dr. Loomis fires six bullets into the killer’s body.  He falls off a balcony and his body vanishes.  This sort of keeps with the theme of the movie; that the boogey man is real.  It works and it’s creepy and really done well.

Wedgie!!

Halloween 2

“Halloween 2” takes off immediately after the events of the last movie.  Laurie is taken to the hospital. Dr. Loomis goes looking for Michael with the authorities.  Eventually we discover that Michael is Laurie’s brother.  He killed his sister many Halloween’s ago and now he aims to kill Laurie as well. He hunts her down to the hospital and there is a great final chase scene.  Dr. Loomis kills Michael by blowing up the room with himself inside.  The last we see of Michael his is a flaming corpse.  It was a fitting end to the horrors of Laurie Strode.

Halloween 3: Season of the Witch

No more Silver Shamrock commercials please!

This movie has no real place in the same world as Michael Myers.  It’s still a damn good movie.  It involves an evil corporation and a mass conspiracy to kill children on Halloween using masks.  The reason it’s so different is that the producers were going to make Halloween into an anthology style of movie where each film would feature a new story.  The audience was confused by the lack of Michael Myers though.  So they decided to bring him back and scrap that anthology idea despite how cool it might have become.

Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers

Where have we seen this before?

It is suggested that Michael went into a coma after the explosion at the hospital and was being kept alive.  He escapes of course and now goes after his niece Jamie Lloyd, played by a talented young Danielle Harris.  Jamie is the daughter of Laurie Strode who apparently died in a car accident.  Dr. Loomis is still alive and only has a minor face scratch despite being blown to crap along with Michael.  After many deaths Michael is hunted down and shot multiple times until he falls down a mine shaft.  Before he died he touches Jamie’s hand and she goes home and kills her foster mother which makes this movie seem really eerie since it’s as if the little girl is going to take over as the new evil of Michael Myers.  This movie is the start of what is known as the “Thorn trilogy” in this series. 

Halloween 5: The Curse of Michael Myers

You just got face forked!

The movie takes place the same evening as fourth movie.  Michael survives his gunshots.  Jamie is placed in a mental care facility and seems to have some sort of psychic link to Michael Myers.  Dr. Loomis uses her as bait most of this movie to try to find and kill Michael eventually they find a way to put him in a jail cell where a mysterious man in black breaks him out.  Danielle Harris is still great as her role as Jamie in this movie and it shines big time.  Luckily she comes back to the series but not as Jamie. I’ll come back to that in a bit.

Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers

Good now Paul Rudd can bland Michael to death.

Six years after the events of the last movie Jamie is now pregnant and is giving birth in front of an evil cult.  She escapes and is being pursued by Michael. She hides the baby but is killed. Tommy, the boy that was babysat by Laurie in the first film, played by a dull as dishwater Paul Rudd finds the infant and takes care of it while trying to protect a local family from the return of Michael Myers.  He discovers that Michael is powered by a curse of the thorn.  Dr. Loomis shows up for his final appearance in a Halloween movie before Pleasence’s death and Tommy is able to thwart Michael by beating him to death with a metal rod.  This movie is really weak.

Halloween: H20

Help? I'm in a washing machine!

I really enjoy this movie despite the fact that it retcons an entire 3 movies.  In this case now Laurie Strode is alive and played by Jamie Lee Curtis again, she has a son and not a daughter and its 20 years after the events of Halloween 1 but not 2 since it implies that he was never found.  She is a teacher at a private school and she is paranoid for the safety of herself and her son.   Still, Michael eventually finds her.  However, she fights back in a very awesome scene that was very fun to watch.  She eventually pins Michael between an ambulance and a tree and decapitates him with an axe.

Halloween: Resurrection

Feel the music of the night!

Any fun that “Halloween H20” brought to the table. Halloween Resurrection shoots itself in the foot. The movie retcons itself AGAIN.  She apparently doesn’t have a son in this movie.  This time they are saying that the man that Laurie Strode killed was an ambulance driver that Michael dressed up to look like himself.  This caused Laurie to go nuts and commit herself.  Michael comes to kill her and SUCCEEDS.  This movie kills Laurie Strode.  The rest of it is Michael in a house filled with Tyra Banks and other weirdlings that are pretending to make a reality show inside the Myers house and getting picked off one by one.  Busta Rhymes shows up and does kung fu on Michael which is about where any sane person would walk out of the theater.  Michael dies of electrocution and it seemed like his franchise would as well.

Halloween-remake

Did they give Michael steroids?

Rob Zombie made a pretty fair interpretation of “Halloween” it’s got good points and bad points.  For one thing the cast is great.  It’s got Malcolm McDowell as Dr. Loomis and they have brought back Danielle Harris as Laurie’s best friend.  There are many other cameos that I could spend a lot more time with as well.  They focus a lot on what made Michael the monster that he is showing his broken home and abusive family life.  I think it’s a lot more scary to not know.  Also they cast Tyler Mane as Myers which is an odd choice.  I think making Michael Myers a thug like Jason Voorhees makes him just intimidating but not scarier.  The movie itself has a great soundtrack and is visually appealing and the dialogue is fresh.  It’s made in that Grindhouse style way that Rob Zombie is good at. As a whole it’s pretty hit or miss.

Halloween 2 -remake

A steam tunnel killer?  Sounds like a Freddy Krueger thing.

This was Rob Zombie’s follow up to “Halloween”.  This time the hits and the misses are lot more obvious.  For one I was bummed to see them kill off Danielle Harris. The cast is still great and the soundtrack is still wonderful.  The problem is the movie tries to be a tad too surreal for what I imagine when I think of “Halloween.”  There are scenes when Michael is taking to the “ghost” of his mother in his little kid voice. When I think of little boy in the mind of a giant murderer I think of Jason Voorhees, not Michael Myers.  It also had Laurie kind of take the mantle as the new killer at the end which just felt wrong. However, it wasn’t nearly as wrong as hearing Michael Myers grunting and talking.  Michael Myers is a lot of things but he has always been a silent killer.  When he shouts “Die!” to Dr. Loomis I died a little inside.

According to Wikipedia there are plans for a Halloween 3D but it is in development hell.  I am sure it’ll get off the ground eventually since there are always going to be fans of these movies.  As long as there are Halloween’s to celebrate we can be sure there will be stretched out painted William Shatner Masks for us to put on and scare the crap out of babysitters.  It’s nice to see that for some of us the boogey man is still out there even if he is sometimes credited as “The Shape” or by his name of Michael Myers.  Let’s hope he can keep up the good work.

Fido-review

Omigosh! Fido's breath killed Mrs. Moss

Whenever you bring up zombie comedies most people leap to “Shaun of the Dead”.  Why not? “Shaun of the Dead” is a great movie. However, when I mention “Fido” to some folks they don’t know what to expect at first.  I’ll admit the title isn’t what I would have chosen in order to really sell this. Still, it’s a lot of fun and it’s really insightful for what it is; a story about a boy and his dog, with a zombie in the place of the dog.

I've run over so many gophers today.

“Fido” takes place in a version of the earth where it’s the 50s and radiation from space has caused anyone who dies to come to back to life as zombies.  Luckily there are domestication collars that people put on the zombies that make them into pets and into servants that can do various menial tasks without the hunger for flesh.  Timmy is a little boy who is bullied and is very alone.  One day his neglectful parents get a zombie and he befriends it naming it Fido.  The rest of the story is the tale of a boy and his zombie.

This movie is just really fun.  Carrie-Anne Moss kicks ass as Timmy’s mother, Helen, and Dylan Baker does likewise as his father, Bill.  Billy Connolly plays Fido and does a damn fine job of portraying emotion while still being an undead monster. There is a message about human kindness and love that is there but it is very subtle and it’s not preachy and thrown in just to claim it has meaning.

Even Zombies need walkies.

“Fido” really is a great movie that more people should see.  If you enjoy comedies you’ll like it.  If you like zombie movies, you’ll LOVE it.  It’s smart and the cast are very sincere in their roles and it makes for an experience that is really worth the time.  I hope more people are willing to give this one a shot.

Flash Gordon-review

The power of Christ compels you

Wow! If there is anyone with the nostalgia for 80s cheese I got a movie for you.  “Flash Gordon” comes at you from 1980 with a soundtrack by rock group Queen and enough bad effects you’ll think you’re watching the live action movie of “Popeye”.  But where “Popeye caused me to want to join Helen Keller in being both deaf and blind this movie actually has fun parts to it. 

Red Bull gave Bluto wiiings.

Flash Gordon is a football player that gets kidnapped with his love interest, travel journalist Dale Arden, by a mad scientist played by none other then Topol, the actor that is famous for playing Tevye in “Fiddler on The Roof”.  They take a rocket to planet Mongo where Ming the Merciless, played by the always awesome Max Von Sydow is the Emperor and rules with an iron fist.  Can Flash and his friends escape the tyrannical rule of Emperor Ming? 

Where do I begin?  This movie is funny and cheesy in almost all sense of the word.  The effects are piss poor.  There are hawk men with huge metal wings that run around like filthy Vikings.  The dialogue is so delightfully over the top they HAD to know it was as campy as the 1960s “Batman” television show.  When Flash’s love interest Dale runs into a death pit as Flash is mid fight only to scream “Flash I love you, but we only have 14 hours to save Earth!” I think I laughed myself a bit insane.  Could they have found a time, other than combat to have Dale exposit that bit of information?

Timothy Dalton, former James Bond, now plant planet prince.

Max Von Sydow, who has been in some amazing movies in his time doesn’t skimp out on his performance as a sci-fi villain. If you are a fan of “MST3K” you’ll love this shit.  If you have children younger than 10 they will like it.  Other wise it’s just weird and you’ll probably find it stupid. Hell, I enjoyed it on some level and I thought it was stupid.  If you are curious give it a shot.

The Way of the Gun-review

In short, don't use any tollbooths kid.

“The Way of the Gun” has some fun action to it.  It is nice to see Ryan Phillippe is not just a pretty boy.  Both he and Benicio del Toro do a great job in a movie that on paper seems like it would have been a pretty cliché idea.  The idea of stealing from a mob boss and having them come down on you has been done to death. However, it’s not a bad thing if it’s at least done well and with some new elements which in this case actually makes this a good movie.

Well I guess looking through the hole is an idea.

Parker, played by Ryan Phillippe, and Longbaugh, played by Benicio del Toro, kidnaps a pregnant surrogate mother in the hopes of getting ransom for the baby.  The problem is that the baby is supposed to be going to a mob boss and his wife.  So soon there are all manner of ups and downs and twists added to this plot that create problems for them and the situation is not as it seems.  Can they simply get the money? Is there any way out of this that doesn’t involve them being rubbed out?

As a whole the acting is decent. Phillippe and del Toro do a great job.  James Caan is in the movie as an operative working for the mob boss.  He is probably the weakest part of this movie.  Sometimes he does his best Sonny Corleone impression the rest of the time he is on camera looking bored out of his skull like he was just there dying for a paycheck.  The shitty thing is they really milked the hell out of his part and he is integral to the plot. 

Laaaaadies???!

I recommend this movie if you are into crime action.  There are a lot of shoot out scenes and all in all it ends okay enough.   I think if you are fan of the antihero genre this is the movie for you.  The line of what is good and bad seems incredibly blurred for these protagonists.  It’s a lot of fun that is for sure.