They Found Hell – Review

When it comes to Syfy original movies you usually have to take them with a grain of salt. Syfy original movies mostly end up in the category of “so bad it’s good” but on some level the audience has to respect the fun these movies bring on such a low budget. They Found Hell has all the feel of a low budget film with a few better qualities, which make it amusing for the casual viewer.

Several generic college students are experimenting in teleportation technology. An accident occurs which opens a dimensional portal into hell and sucks the students inside. They must face the monsters and demons of hell in an attempt to escape while their friend and professor attempt to get them back to Earth.

The makeup effects in this movie are colorful and imaginative. It is as if the producers at Syfy recruited the folks from the show Faceoff to make these hellish creatures. In addition there were also giant leech puppets that were very creepy looking and led to a very compelling and gory scene where some friends had to use an axe to remove the leeches from a companion’s stomach and then cauterize the wound. The sets have an eerie abandoned mood that makes it look as though they were filmed in the ghost town of Pripyat where the Chernobyl disaster occurred.

The acting is fair at best, ranging from high school drama student quality to the scenery chewing “I really need this to make rent.” The dialogue is clichéd and really obvious. As soon as the students get to Hell they find a sign with the Dante’s Inferno quote, “Abandon all hope all ye who enter here.” They also seem to be dabbling in mad science, which is unknown to their own professor since upon finding what they did he says “The fools. What have they done?” The students do not even keep the guise of scientists for long after entering hell and fall quickly into the roles of horror film idiots. They are not curious about their situation and they make wild assumptions.

The CG creatures are not all that great. There are winged beasts and a couple of creatures that look like they were inspired from Lovecraft’s Deep Ones. Then there are the CG dogs and plants. I am not sure why they felt the need to make CG dogs when it would have probably been cheaper to use several trained dogs for the stunt and they would look less cartoonish. The same could be said for the moving plants. Considering that The Evil Dead had a plant attack back in 1981 it says a lot that people feel the need to use computers now to animate that sort of effect.

They Found Hell does not have a terrible story. It is more like a good idea that was weakened in development. If it had a larger budget or even a few script re-writes, this movie could have been something like As Above So Below. As it is, it mostly comes off as a showcase for some neat makeup effects in a creepy situation. It would have helped a lot if the writers spent a little time on character development. I found the college students to be basically characters without personality other than what they look like. When a movie does not care to differentiate between the characters in a horror film then they basically just become meat for the grinder.

If this movie was playing on television and there was nothing to watch, I would watch it. It does a fine job of being creepy using atmosphere and not relying solely on jump scares like so many modern films do these days. While certainly not Oscar-worthy, it will at least entertain and if you are into horror makeup or elaborate horror costumes you should give it try. At the very least it will kill some time if you are looking for something that is a bit different with elements of As Above So Below.

Hell and Back – Review

Just when you thought the worst thing that Freestyle Releasing put out was God’s Not Dead, along came a fancy new contender, Hell and Back. Had I been in middle school or possibly high on drugs, this might have been a humorous movie. Sadly, the tone of the humor was lost on me and I did not feel anything more than relief at seeing the credits roll.  It is a damn shame since it involves a lot of talented individuals and the animation is lively. On paper this sounds like an entertaining project but on screen it is devoid of fun and feels like a joyless slog.

Three foul-mouthed friends, Curt, Augie, and Remy work at a failing carnival. Curt makes a blood oath with Satan and because he does not take it seriously it is broken minutes later, leaving Curt to suffer the consequences. Curt is sucked into a vortex into hell and it is up to Augie and Remy to get Curt back from the denizens of Hell. With the help of a sexy half-breed demon and a Greek hero, Augie and Remy attempt to thwart the devil and return back on Earth.

The animation is pretty solid. It should always be commendable when movies take the time to put in the work for stop motion. The voice talents are tremendous and it is as though someone picked up a Hollywood phonebook and found every comedian possible to cast in this movie for even the most trivial of parts. Unfortunately, these factors do not make a good movie.

The story is fairly predictable and offers nothing new to the viewer. The jokes are stale and would only amuse a middle school student or an immature personality. Normally I find humor in the right sex joke, fat joke, and rape joke, but these were so generic and cliché that they missed the mark. The characters are all very unlikable and do not do anything beyond their stereotypes for the sake of development. For example: Augie is the one-dimensional fat character. That is all he is and all he is known for. Most of his gags are about his weight and at no point does his character grow or learn how to cope with his issues. He is simply the fat guy and that is all he will remain. Remy on the other hand is just an unlikeable jerk that hates everyone and treats his friends like crap. He learns nothing and is rewarded for his stupidity.

Considering that the minds behind Robot Chicken are involved with this I really had higher expectations. The jokes on that show are relevant to many pop culture scenarios, which could be considered funny. Hell and Back just says as many swear words as possible in the hopes that it will shock a laugh out of you. Often resulting in silent failure. The jokes do not allow for build up and pay off but rather to throw as much fast-pitch stupidity as possible at the audience to see what sticks.

I cannot recommend this movie for a rental. The subject material is too infantile for adults and too adult for kids. Why would they add sentient trees that rape people? The only reason I can figure is that someone thought that it was a bizarre way to be edgy. That could have been a perfect time for an Evil Dead joke, instead the joke implies that the guy is asking to be raped because he was dressed “like a bush.” If the failed jokes in this movie saved lives, there would be no need for hospitals. It is not a fun movie and it certainly is not funny enough to spend time on. Save your money and save your time not watching this heartless drivel. If you want a stop motion movie with some brains and heart I recommend the 2009 Mary and Max. It might not be the trip into hell you were expecting but at least it is worth your time.

The Hateful Eight – Review

As a Quentin Tarantino fan I went into this film with high expectations. Sadly, my expectations were not met and I feel like this is Tarantino’s weakest film to date. Written from a stage reading, The Hateful Eight is a “bottle movie” that has very little of Tarantino’s usual wit and charm and seems to rely solely on the same old character tropes of his previous films while at the same time attempting to shock the audience.

Sometime after the Civil War a group of eight strangers find themselves in a cabin during a blizzard. One of them is a bounty hunter, played by Kurt Russell, with a captive female criminal, Daisy Domergue, played by Jennifer Jason Leigh. As they begin to reveal who one another are within the cabin they begin to find themselves mixed in a plot to free Daisy. Someone or some people are not who they say they are.

The Hateful Eight has artful shots of the wilderness and some great close-ups that truly make the film beautiful. The films has an amazing score that is incredibly well thought out and uses Ennio Morricone’s best abilities to capture the isolation and coldness of the scenes on screen. The look is gritty and the cold howls of the Wyoming wind on screen create chills in the audience.

The story itself is a fairly pedestrian whodunit. There are gaping holes in the logic and the anachronistic language can take a person right out of the film if not careful. The characters are all fairly unlikable save for Kurt Russell and Walton Goggins whose characters seem to have actual dimensions. The first half of the story has very little action but as soon as the second half occurs it is nearly all action and becomes little distracting.

Compared to other movies that have come out recently, this movie is certainly a renter. If you are fan of Tarantino’s earlier films you will be disappointed. When better dark Westerns such as Bone Tomahawk have come out recently then people have to bring their A-material to the table and not rely on the same stable of actors or gratuitous exploitation, like a black man forcing a white man to fellate him in the freezing cold. At what point do we ask Tarantino: “Is this all you have?” Certainly, he can do more than try to shock audiences with cheap tricks.

Star Wars: The Force Awakens – review

The Star Wars movies evoke feelings of nostalgia for most of us. When I first heard a new movie was coming out I thought, “How can they make a new story that will be sentimental for fans while at the same time touching the nerve of nostalgia without crossing the line to just fan-service.”  It is obvious that J.J. Abrams is clearly a true fan. This movie is like watching a fan given reign to make what they feel would be a more grown up Star Wars movie.

Set about thirty years after the Return of the Jedi, Luke has gone into hiding. The Empire has become the First Order. Poe Dameron, played by Oscar Isaac, gets information on Luke Skywalker’s location on the desert planet of Jakku. Poe gives the map to his droid, BB-8. BB-8 escapes and makes friends with a scavenger girl named Rey. Together they must find a way off the planet in order to get the map to the Resistance.

The movie is beautiful and the mixture of CGI and practical effects is seamless. The acting is solid and the new heroes, Rey, Finn, and Poe are all fascinating and well-played characters that are a delight to watch and acted superbly. The action scenes are thrilling and the nostalgic cameos are used like a spice in a perfectly cooked dish.

There were a few welcome changes that I want to acknowledge. For instance, the casting of more female characters made the universe seem much more believable and diverse. It was also shocking to see blood in a Star Wars film. It added a level of darkness never seen before in the franchise. Creating more complex villains was a novel concept that really landed well. Kylo Ren, the film’s villain is a fascinating villain that goes from homicidal to petulant. It is interesting to watch the goings on in the life of Stormtrooper, which for the most part have been faceless minions for most of the films.

The Force Awakens is just what the franchise needed. It is Star Wars growing up and taking chances. Audiences are tired of movies playing it safe all the time and the prequels were all safe. You knew who would live and who would die by the end. In this this trilogy anything can happen. It is a great movie that uses silence and every shot to its advantage to tell a wonderful story. See it if you can.

Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension

For as long as there have been Paranormal Activity movies I have been an avid watcher. I defended each movie thinking that there was some method to the madness and that one movie would reveal the answers to all the questions I had. I am a fool. Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension touts itself as the sixth and final installment, which is supposed to tie all the loose ends. Instead, this movie is a testament how lazy filmmakers are and how gullible they view their audiences.

Starting off with the final events of Paranormal Activity 3, the ending is re-capped. Then we are taken 25 years later to find that a new family has moved into the house. They discover an old video camera and a box of old VHS videos. The videos are of Katie and Kristi doing ritualistic cult stuff while the camera is discovered to have the ability to see the demon Tobi. They attempt to put an end to the demon’s hold on their house and hopefully rid their family of the curse that is now afflicting them.

If this movie was not a Paranormal Activity movie the spirit camera idea might have worked. As it is, it comes off as really stupid and takes all the fear away when you see Tobi as an entity and even more so when you see he has a face. There is nothing wholly remarkable about this movie and really it answers no big burning questions you might have had if you are a fan of the franchise. If anything it raises more questions and even creates an ending that would be suitable for a sequel that nobody will be asking for.

What made the Paranormal Activity movies so great were the sense of dread and powerlessness that was created in something that you could not see. It was left up largely to the imagination to develop why it was doing what it was. As the mythos grew the quality of the narrative dipped with each foray into suburban horror.

So why was this made? To put it simply, the Paranormal Activity movies are lessons in making movies on the cheap. They have a built-in audience and they cost very little to make. For a rough $10 million dollar budget they have made out well, raking in nearly $80 million dollars.  This movie is such an obvious cash-grab that I am shocked they didn’t split it into two parts. None of the former cast that you have come to enjoy is there and the ending is awful. Even if you are a die-hard fan of the franchise don’t bother, there are much better movies out there.

The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 2 – review

The third and final book of the Hunger Games trilogy, Mockingjay, is okay at best and disappointing at worst.  On a positive note, the war scenes are developed and chilling. The acting however, has all the charisma of the sleepwalker going through the motions. The film even commits the cardinal sin of telling rather than showing key plot points.

Katniss Everdeen, played by Jennifer Lawrence, is going up against the capitol of Panem. Deciding that she will be the one to kill President Snow, Katniss joins a ragtag band of misfits specialized to look good for the camera. They must face the war torn districts that look like scenery out of Band of Brothers and beware of the new traps that await them in their mission.

This was one of the few times that Josh Hutchinson did a decent acting job. While Hutchinson did a fine job portraying him it is really difficult to like the Peeta character. Even after four movies he is in constant need of rescue. In this movie he kills his own teammate at the first sign of danger, and the chemistry between him and Katniss feels as fake as Jena Malone’s shaved head.

There are some compelling shots that really play into the “war is hell” theme. The movie unfortunately feels forced and like they struggled to make it at all. If you saw the other movies then, by all means see this as a rental. On its own it is fairly subpar for the genre. There is very little action, some of the key plot points happen off-screen, and there really is no climax to speak of.  This is certainly a weak entrée into the franchise that might have been great if they simply edited the two films into a single movie.

Creed – review

After the previous film in the Rocky series I was sure that the story of Rocky Balboa was wrapped up tighter than a snare drum. I was dead wrong. A cleverly written story encapsulating all the heart of the original characters and bringing a new life to the franchise I can see Adonis Creed as a people’s champion for a new generation.  The acting is great and the story is fantastic. Considering this is the first of the Rocky series to not be written by Sylvester Stallone, it feels like his hand is certain involved in the spirit of things.

Adonis “Donnie” Creed, played by Michael B. Jordan is the bastard son of Apollo Creed. After finding out his who his father is, he attempts to make a name for himself in the boxing world. He goes to Tijuana and wins a few fights and finds that he needs a trainer if he will ever move up the ranks in the boxing ring. Adonis enlists the aid of Apollo’s greatest rival Rocky Balboa to train him.

If there were anything bad about this movie it would only be small, nitpicking stuff. For example: No one ever mentions Ivan Drago as the guy who killed Apollo Creed in Rocky IV. No one ever discusses the failed time Rocky trained Tommy Gunn in Rocky V. I could really piss and moan about how Rocky isn’t more famous after his exhibition match in Rocky Balboa with Mason “The Line” Dixon. It is hard to be upset though when this is the same series where a robot with artificial intelligence was given to Paulie for his birthday. Pick your battles.

The movie has all the feel of a Rocky movie. The main character is charming and is believable as Apollo Creed’s son. Rocky is still as strong-hearted and good-natured person. The cast does a great job bringing this underdog story home. Once again creating a believable task and facing a “villain” that is not bad but merely an antagonist in every sense of the word. I would not be shocked if Stallone was nominated for best supporting actor come Oscar season.

I would recommend, first and foremost, if you decide to watch this movie that at least see the previous films. The previous films will give you insight on who everyone is or was. Creed is worth seeing, especially if you are a fan of the Rocky series. Creed is a welcome addition and was clearly written by someone that knows the characters and loves the material. See it if you can.