Resident Evil: Retribution-review

As a fan of the “Resident Evil” video game and someone that on occasional will watch the other “Resident Evil” movies as a guilty pleasure, it really is depressing to see the severe drop in quality of these movies.  The latest of these movies, “Resident Evil: Retribution” is easily the worst of the lot. The acting and effects are horrible. The story lacks continuity, credibility, or a cause for the characters to do any of their actions.   It even goes so far as to steal ideas from other movies when not throwing in Resident Evil fan service for absolutely no reason. 

Alice, played my Milla Jovovich, is being chased by Umbrella soldiers onboard a boat.  Suddenly she wakes up and the friends she was with are gone (we never see them again) and she is being tortured by the agents of the Red Queen.  She needs to be rescued by a team sent by Albert Wesker, who is apparently alive again. Now she must escape the new facility she is trapped inside before it is blown up and is sunk below the sea.

Let’s start with the fact that these movies have stopped being relevant after the second one.  They never really had anything to do with the video game so it’s annoying as it is to see characters established in that world brought to the screen only to be secondary throw away characters to Alice, who is not in the games and is only there because she is the director’s wife.  Character’s that are established in the video game story die and some just vanish without a trace as if the actors read the script and gave up on this crap before it ruined their career.

The CGI is really lame.  There are stunts done in cars that go into CGI that you might as well be watching during the cut scene of a video game.  Considering the budget and considering the technology I expect a lot more.  The acting of characters like Albert Wesker, played by Shawn Roberts was so laughably bad and smug that he should have grown a villainous moustache to twiddle so he could laugh maniacally as he said his campy dialogue.

For the most part the movie is a simple story where the characters need to get form point A to point B. There is no major antagonist, which weakens this story greatly.  It also blatantly rips off better movies.  For example, the remake of “Dawn of the Dead” where the character steps out onto the driveway in the suburbs and we get a 360 shot of what is happening around her.  We also have a scene from “Aliens” where the lead befriends a little girl who gets captured and cocooned by a hideous monster.

Characters will sometimes pose like their character did in the video game or uses a particular weapon like they did in the game.  It was as if the writer was saying “Look! I’ve played the games! I’m cool!”   It was blatant fan service.  If that wasn’t obvious enough, the billions of frames of product placement during this movie are. It has scenes in Tokyo and New York so everywhere they went had ads for crap as obvious as Game Stop to Rockstar energy drink. 

The bottom line- this movie is almost unwatchable. For some reason it has the idea of leaving on a cliff hanger.  What this series needs is a reboot. It needs to stop focusing on a character that nobody cares about otherwise this franchise needs to end and move on to other things.  The video game is sort of on its last legs too and really it’s time they figured out if “Resident Evil” is worth bringing to life again and again, or if this series has run it’s course.   Do yourself a favor and give this movie a miss.

The Possession-review

It is hard to talk about “The Possession” without comparing it to “The Exorcist.”  While a decent movie in it’s own right, it borrows much of the same premise and has some of the same plot devises. Even as a comparison it is still fairly interesting and a good movie in it’s own rights.  The acting is decent; the creepy factor is alright, just try to not focus on the plot holes and the similarities to “The Exorcist.”

Clyde, played by Jeffrey Dean Morgan, is going through a rough divorce and is trying hard to make due with his two daughters at his new house.  They go to a yard sale and come across a Dybbuk box, which enchants the youngest daughter.  Soon the evil spirit has possessed the young Em, played by Natasha Calis.  The evil spirit requires a Hasidic ritual to exorcise the demon.  Can they be rid of the demonic entity before it takes over Em completely?

The acting is very decent.  Jeffrey Dean Morgan always brings a good performance and this time is no exception.  The other impressive performance comes from Natasha Calis who does a damn fine job playing the possessed child, Em.  She shows a lot of potential.  There is a lot of good humanity in the characters and it’s portrayed well on screen. 

The creepy factor is done really well.  The build-up is slow but it works since there are lots of odd things that are centered on the Dybbuk box.  There are swarms of moths that come out of nowhere.  Then of course there is the girl herself that becomes more animalistic and vicious in her actions.  There is also a strange effect with an MRI that is eerie. 

In terms of plot structure it’s a lot like “The Exorcist;” you have a little girl possessed by a demon. There is a couple of divorced parents that are at the end of their rope and have nowhere else to turn except an exorcism.  You have a demon that moves from the child to the adult. Finally, you have an exorcist character that meets an untimely demise.  If you overlook those certain things it’s still a good movie.

There are a few disappointing effects but for the most part it’s a good movie.  It’s a good take on exorcism with a Jewish spin.  On it’s own merits it’s a good movie. It’s worth seeing as a matinee or at the very least renting, just don’t be disappointed when you see this new demon named Abizo who looks more like Gollum from the “Lord of the Rings,” instead of Pazuzu.

The Expendables II-review

This movie is hilarious.  If you go into “The Expendables II” knowing that what you are getting is aging, action, stars kicking ass and throwing one-liners, then this movie will be a real treat for you. If you want an action movie that you can take seriously, this is not going to be your cup-o-tea.  Suspension of disbelief is needed along with a desire to see huge men shoot, stab, and maim their enemies like the days when meat-headed action movies roamed the cinema like dinosaurs in a Jurassic jungle.

The Expendables are back.  After a successful mission to Nepal the team is called to retrieve an item from a safe inside a plane that was shot down in Albania.  Once they get the item the team is captured and the newest member, Billy, is killed by the villain Jean Vilain, played by Jean Claude Van Damme (a character with one of the funniest names for a villain outside of a Bond movie).  The Expendables vow vengeance for their fallen comrade and the hunt begins to find and kill Vilain.

The action in this movie is intense.  There is a ton of fun shoot-‘em up scenes, intense fights, and great one-on-one mashes that make this pretty damn cool.  Loads of explosions followed by one-liners that would make any action fan proud.  Sylvester Stallone and Jean Claude Van Damme have a really awesome fight at the end that is like something out of the movie “Commando.” Jet Li is impressive as usual, but sadly he is barely in the movie as his character gets written out fairly quickly.

New to the team we get Maggie, played by Yu Nan. She does a good job playing the tech girl with some romantic interest in Stallone.  Van Damme is hilarious; always surrounded by a minion who looks like the Soup Nazi. He is over the top in the best way possible.  He says his lines like they were crafted by Shakespeare. Then, even when it’s truly inconvenient, he delivers a roundhouse kick for no reason except that it looks cool.  He is sinister; a lot of fun to watch, and much more of a threat then Eric Roberts and Stone Cold Steve Austin were in the previous film.

The original “The Expendables” seemed to be trying a more serious tone.  This one went right for the comedic jugular and it works in a big way.  It is way better action movie and it feels like it’s well put together with less faux maudlin scenes to try to evoke a “war is hell” attitude out of the audience.  If you are a fan of action comedies from the 1980-90s then “The Expendables II” will satisfy you in just the right way.

Deadgirl-review

I had heard interesting things about this 2008 horror movie being interesting and clever. It’s on YouTube for free now so I gave it a try and truth be told I hated “Deadgirl”.  From every simpering whine of the adult characters playing high school students, to every pandering scene stolen from an exploitation movie just to shock you.  This movie was utter trash and I hated every minute of it.  It has no laughs; there are several plot holes that could house the Grand Canyon and no redemption.

Two jerks, Rickie, and J. T., are at a high school and decide to cut class. They go off to the abandoned nut house to drink beers and cause a ruckus.  While there they come across a nude girl strapped to a table.  J.T. immediately wants to do nothing but rape her. Rickie is at first disgusted by this and rather than stop his friend he leaves him to do as he will.   The next day J.T. tells Rickie that the girl is undead because during his time with her he tried to kill her three times and she kept coming back.  Again, instead of being disgusted by his psychotic friend he wants to avoid the whole thing.  Then J.T. invites another friend to the Deadgirl raping.  Rickie is only slightly perturbed until it seems that they might want to use the girl of his dream as a replacement girl once this current Deadgirl starts falling apart.  Will Rickie ever do anything to stop J.T?

All the characters are horrible people.  Rickie shows no moral backbone so he is not a good protagonist.  J.T. goes from zero to rapist in 30 seconds and brings friends along for the ride.  There is a bully character that is so two-dimensional it’s cartoonish. The girl that Rickie desires is dating the jock bully even though he is clearly a crazy jerk; going so far as to KIDNAP two people who yell at him.  This movies’ characters move beyond simple “stupid horror character” movie logic and border on brain dead. Whoever wrote this has no idea how people speak, interact, or comprehend their surroundings. 

The scenes of rape are there just to be shocking and add nothing to this narrative, making it pure exploitation.  Sometimes I don’t mind exploitation movies when there are characters that make the action worthwhile or there is a payoff to make it all come together.  This had nothing like that the ending was not enough of a payoff to make any of it worth a damn.  It also never answered what became of the bully character that gets bitten and turns zombie, or the Deadgirl once she escaped.  Believe it or not this movie is called “Deadgirl.” She is barely even in this movie.  You just hear two supposed teenagers yell at each other.  One, about how he wants his old girlfriend and the other, how he wants to keep raping this corpse. 

In the end I had to ask: “What was the point?”  It’s not funny or shocking unless you are some sort of shut-in. Really, it’s just a waste of time that is in bad taste. If you want a zombie movie that is funny watch “Fido” or “Shaun of the Dead”.  If you want zombie movies that are shocking watch “[Rec]” or “28 Day’s Later.” If you want something that is sort of a strange mix of the two “Slither” might be more your bag.  So save your time and give this one a miss.

Return to Oz-review

If you are a fan of “The Wizard of Oz” film from 1939 this movie is a very colorful follow-up.  Made in 1985, this movie is not a musical and is drastically different in its tone and mood.  It’s a darker and almost nightmarish movie at times.   Brought to us by Disney, this movie gives us more content from the L. Frank Baum novels.

Dorothy Gale, played by Fairuza Balk, is living in Kansas after her first adventure to Oz.  Her Aunt Em and Uncle Henry think she is crazy so they put her in a nuthouse and she is about to get electroshock therapy when a storm blows her and her pet chicken, Billina, into Oz.  In Oz Billina can talk. Together they find the yellow-brick road in ruins and the Lion, Tin Man, and citizens of the Emerald City turned to stone.  Dorothy must face the evil head-swapping witch Mombi, and the Nome King to save her friends and return home.

The acting is so-so.  Fairuza Balk is a young girl so you can excuse some of it.  However, she does a good job with the act of the melancholy she brings at the beginning of the movie.  Most of the characters that are villains are memorable because of the effects that enhance them. 

The effects are pretty cool.  The stop motion on the Nome King is amazing to watch.  The creepy heads of Mombi are very memorable and the wheelers that roam the road and fall into the deadly desert will be certain to give your children nightmares.  The fact is this movie is very memorable and is like the more mature follow up to 1939 film. 

All in all I think if you liked “The Wizard of Oz” you’ll like this.  It’s dark and it’s depressing but it’s also creative and lovely as well.  It’s more mature and certainly if you are into stories that are a bit creepy and a bit magical like “The NeverEnding Story.” You will most likely enjoy this movie.

Rosemary’s Baby-review

This 1968 psychological horror movie is proof that sometimesthe scary things in film are the things we don’t see.  Like “The Exorcist,” this movie has demonicthemes that are hidden amongst a pregnant woman’s paranoia.  It comes together with the acting, thelocation, and the story in a wonderful way.

Rosemary and Guy Woodhouse, played by Mia Farrow and JohnCassavetes, move to a new apartment house. They befriend their neighbors, which include Minnie and Roman Castevet,played by Ruth Gordon and Sidney Blackmer. After a very disturbing dream where Rosemary is being raped by a demon while naked people watch, she discovers she is pregnant.  However events lead her to believe there is a conspiracy against her.  Is it all in her mind or is something evil afoot?

The acting is fantastic. Mia Farrow plays the vulnerable Rosemary with amazing skill.  Ruth Gordon as always is great.  She is motherly and yet there is an air of menace to her in her eyes.  It’s a subtle thing that makes a world of difference. 

“Rosemary’s Baby” is a fantastic movie.  Maybe it’s the eerie paranoia that Mia Farrow portrays so well.  Maybe it’s the location of the claustrophobic apartment, the Dakota in New York, is where John Lennon met his fateful end.   It’s a chilling movie with a smart ending.  If you have a chance, give it a watch.

Tucker and Dale Vs. Evil-review

For everyone who has seen the stereotypical horror movie, this is for you.  “Tucker and Dale Vs. Evil” takes the completely overdone story of college kids coming out to an isolated cabin in the woods to party and are killed and throws it out the window.  Much like“Cabin in the Woods” the movie is self-aware to a degree.  It knows that idea was done to death.

A group of college kids go out to the woods to party at a cabin.  They stop for gas and are met by the rustic looking Tucker, played by Alan Tudyk, and Dale, played by Tyler Labine, who upon first glance scare them.  We find out that Tucker and Dale are actually buying a vacation home to fix up in the woods nearby.  They go fishing in the same lake as the college kids who are swimming nearby and one of them is startled by Tucker and Dale and falls into the lake hitting her head on the rocks. They go to get her help and the college kids mistake them for kidnapping her and think they are homicidal maniacs.  The rest is a comedy of errors. 

The acting is great. Tucker and Dale are both loveable goofballs and the movie is really fun to watch.  The college kids are great at playing stupid stereotypes and everything that happens to them is a mix of dumb luck and their own fault. The gore is very over the top and it still doesn’t take away from the laughs.  In this movie it flips the usual heroes around so now the rednecks are the ones you root for and the college kids are the troublemakers.

There is a lot going for “Tucker and Dale Vs.Evil.” There are some plot holes that are strange but not too distracting from the fact you are watching something good.  If you get a chance to see this one I recommend it.  It’s a lot of fun and not so much scary as it is funny.  It at least had some new ideas to a tired concept.